Why do you get to act on your concern and completely ignore my repeated insistence that I don't want you to, while obviously knowing there's a valid reason that I wouldn't want you to, yet I can't ask anything to ascertain whether I should be concerned about you or not without you dodging the question? This isn't the first time, incidentally.
[Mimicking that sigh, Sycamore runs - or more accurately, drags - his hands through his hair, still refusing to look anywhere near Lysandre's eyes.]
I'm sorry, I just...I can't. I just can't. I promise it's nothing that you need to be concerned about, okay? I'm not in any danger, I just...I stay at home, I deal with it, and once the triple moon is over I forget about it.
I'm not letting you near me when I'm in the depths of Iris, Lysandre. I will do something I will regret, and then I will hate myself for it.
You can come into my apartment briefly, check I'm alright - which I will be - and then you have to leave. Those are the only terms I'm interested in entertaining.
Then it's fortunate that I'm not asking you to like it, I suppose.
We can discuss Sanguis if you'd prefer it for the time being. But I do want you to know that I'm going to continue to insist on this once we're done with that.
I am not one of your employees, Lysandre - just because you want me to do something, it doesn't mean I have to.
[There is an absolutely fantastic irony in the person under Sanguis remaining calm, while the Iris gets agitated, and were he not the Iris in question he would probably find it fascinating. As it stands, he's backing away.
Perhaps this visit was a mistake after all...]
Why can't you just respect my wishes and leave this topic alone? The answers aren't...bad, per say, they're just...they make me horribly uncomfortable and I promise you, they will make you even more uncomfortable. We don't gain anything by bringing this up.
And yet I get no say in the matter once you decide you want something, and my wishes on the subject can go ignored simply because you've decided you're coming over and you aren't leaving until I let you in.
You're more than welcome to get out, if that's how it's going to be. I've fulfilled my end of the agreement. Don't plan on returning after Sanguis has passed, as I've no interest in dealings that are that one-sided.
[Sycamore is frozen, momentarily, a shocked expression on his face; for an instant, the thought of fleeing is tempting, so very tempting, but he knows Lysandre well enough to be very aware he's a man of his word.
So. That crestfallen expression quickly gives way to frustration.]
Fine. Fine! If this is how you're going to be, I'll tell you. I'll tell you everything!
[He's pacing, now, fingers buried in his hair and not looking like they're coming out any time soon.]
You heard what I said earlier, correct? Iris magnifies any sort of affection you have for someone you care about. I was brought here just weeks after everything had happened with Team Flare, and while I was happy on the surface I just buried everything, all the misery and betrayal and confusion, all the questions I thought I'd never get answers to, and I know that isn't healthy but it worked for me! It was working perfectly, actually, until Iris came along and all of a sudden everything about you that I'd worked so hard to hide just came....surging up, and I couldn't stop it. I'd just sit in my apartment and think about you and all the good times we had, everything we shared, and it was this horrible...I don't know, rollercoaster of emotion because I care about you so much and you were gone and Iris makes you so....needy for someone you care about.
[That final sentence is punctuated with a groan, and Sycamore finally takes his hands out of his hair to place them on his face. He's still doing anything possible to look everywhere but at Lysandre.]
Do you know how exhausting it is? To feel that need, that overpowering, horrible desire to give out your affection, to be generous with it? I've heard Iris' complain about it when they're in committed relationships with others here, but when the person you always think about is completely unreachable it's...
[Right, his hands are completely covering his face, now.]
Look, I...I didn't want to tell you because I'm trying so hard not to make this about me, because I know I do that all the time and things are so much worse for you, without even bringing the moonblessings into it, and I want to do everything I can to make you happy and I...
[...you have a couch, no? He's going to find that couch and just...collapse onto it, head down and hands linked together, resting on the back of his neck.]
[He'll take all that in, not moving from where he's standing even after Sycamore has let himself sink down onto the couch; after a long moment, however, he'll move to join him, sitting next to him for a moment before reaching out and laying a hand on his shoulder lightly, almost as though he's expecting to be shrugged off.]
...You can talk to me about this. About...Iris, or about what I've done, or about what you've been going through. I do want to hear about it. Because you're...my friend, and because you're important to me.
I still don't think less of you for this, incidentally. I'm not certain why you thought I would.
[That whole tirade was hopelessly embarrassing and he is already trying to pretend it didn't happen, so Sycamore will be keeping his head down as Lysandre approaches, even as he feels him sitting on the couch and his hand coming to rest on his shoulder.
After his friend falls silent, however, he'll reach out and place his hand on top. The leather of his gloves feels...pleasing, and it suddenly hits him that this is the first time they've really made contact with one another since Lysandre arrived. His hand will promptly be squeezed, and Sycamore lifts his head, a small, tired smile on his face.
But he's smiling, at least.]
I'd still rather talk about Sanguis. Or, you know, anything other than what I just said.
[A soft laugh follows that comment (oh, he cracks himself up), but he's still not releasing that hand any time soon.]
But I'm...glad to hear you say that, even if I'm surprised you don't think I'm an idiot. I just can't believe we're owed another visit to the goats so soon.
[Really, it's been...what, a day? Maybe two? Ugh.]
You're not an idiot - I'm fairly sure nothing you say could make me believe that. Though, knowing this... I'm not going to make you handle Iris on your own if it can be helped.
[Seriously, that sounds hideous.]
As I said, if you would prefer to discuss Sanguis, we can. Although I don't know what else I have to offer you other than what I've already told you. It's just...unpleasant, for now.
[...and also likely why he's being Like This, in hindsight, but eh.]
[Yeah, in hindsight, if Sycamore looks properly at that last exchange - and how quickly Lysandre jumped to wanting to kick him out - Sanguis' influence becomes fairly obvious. How insidious; the lack of transformations and Lysandre's generally calm demeanour made him completely drop his guard. Even after spending the trip here reminding himself not to bite at anything nasty his friend said! Failed step one, thoroughly.]
I still maintain that it will be hideously awkward, but if you want to come over, I'll...allow it.
[He'll also shift his hand away from Lysandre's, should he be growing tired of his touch.]
I just want you to agree to leave if I'm being a complete and total embarrassment, Lysandre. I meant it when I said that Iris makes me really emotional and I'd prefer not to sob all over you.
If that's genuinely what you want, then I can. ...Especially since that's decidedly less alarming than "I'm going to do something I regret and then I'll hate myself," you know.
[JUST. JUST SAYING.]
If I had told you anything like that, you wouldn't have allowed it either.
[He does, he promises. Even if the compulsion to change the subject to something lighthearted or funny is still overwhelming. Do we really have to talk about this...]
I've never been good with...
[-let him. wave his hands in the air as he tries to find the words-]
...this sort of thing. [#nailedit] I hate it. It's why Iris really gets under my skin and I don't like to talk about it, much less show it. I'm not saying I don't appreciate the offer, I do, I just...
[....will...groan again and bury his face in his hands, half because he hates this topic, and half because he knows that now you're definitely not going to let him drop it.]
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[Hmm. This doesn't bode well.]
I'm not sure what you mean.
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I see what you're saying, I just...I don't want to answer your question about Iris because the answer is humiliating.
[Eye contact? Who? Don't know it.]
Just...please, anything but that.
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Surely you know by now that there's nothing you could tell me that will make me think less of you.
If nothing else, I want that much made clear.
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[Mimicking that sigh, Sycamore runs - or more accurately, drags - his hands through his hair, still refusing to look anywhere near Lysandre's eyes.]
I'm sorry, I just...I can't. I just can't. I promise it's nothing that you need to be concerned about, okay? I'm not in any danger, I just...I stay at home, I deal with it, and once the triple moon is over I forget about it.
[You know, like all this forgetting right here!]
It's just Iris nonsense.
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You owe me that much, at least.
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no no no no that's fine, that cannot happen-]
I don't remember that being part of our agreement?
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I believe I should at least be offered something similar.
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Why are you so interested in this....? I thought we were supposed to be focusing on Sanguis.
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I'm not letting you near me when I'm in the depths of Iris, Lysandre. I will do something I will regret, and then I will hate myself for it.
You can come into my apartment briefly, check I'm alright - which I will be - and then you have to leave. Those are the only terms I'm interested in entertaining.
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Do you understand why I'm insisting?
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You wouldn't be insisting if I hadn't given you reason to be concerned.
[Oh how he's played himself.]
So yes, I understand. It doesn't mean I have to like it.
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We can discuss Sanguis if you'd prefer it for the time being. But I do want you to know that I'm going to continue to insist on this once we're done with that.
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[There is an absolutely fantastic irony in the person under Sanguis remaining calm, while the Iris gets agitated, and were he not the Iris in question he would probably find it fascinating. As it stands, he's backing away.
Perhaps this visit was a mistake after all...]
Why can't you just respect my wishes and leave this topic alone? The answers aren't...bad, per say, they're just...they make me horribly uncomfortable and I promise you, they will make you even more uncomfortable. We don't gain anything by bringing this up.
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You're more than welcome to get out, if that's how it's going to be. I've fulfilled my end of the agreement. Don't plan on returning after Sanguis has passed, as I've no interest in dealings that are that one-sided.
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So. That crestfallen expression quickly gives way to frustration.]
Fine. Fine! If this is how you're going to be, I'll tell you. I'll tell you everything!
[He's pacing, now, fingers buried in his hair and not looking like they're coming out any time soon.]
You heard what I said earlier, correct? Iris magnifies any sort of affection you have for someone you care about. I was brought here just weeks after everything had happened with Team Flare, and while I was happy on the surface I just buried everything, all the misery and betrayal and confusion, all the questions I thought I'd never get answers to, and I know that isn't healthy but it worked for me! It was working perfectly, actually, until Iris came along and all of a sudden everything about you that I'd worked so hard to hide just came....surging up, and I couldn't stop it. I'd just sit in my apartment and think about you and all the good times we had, everything we shared, and it was this horrible...I don't know, rollercoaster of emotion because I care about you so much and you were gone and Iris makes you so....needy for someone you care about.
[That final sentence is punctuated with a groan, and Sycamore finally takes his hands out of his hair to place them on his face. He's still doing anything possible to look everywhere but at Lysandre.]
Do you know how exhausting it is? To feel that need, that overpowering, horrible desire to give out your affection, to be generous with it? I've heard Iris' complain about it when they're in committed relationships with others here, but when the person you always think about is completely unreachable it's...
[It's....]
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[Right, his hands are completely covering his face, now.]
Look, I...I didn't want to tell you because I'm trying so hard not to make this about me, because I know I do that all the time and things are so much worse for you, without even bringing the moonblessings into it, and I want to do everything I can to make you happy and I...
[...you have a couch, no? He's going to find that couch and just...collapse onto it, head down and hands linked together, resting on the back of his neck.]
...I am not coping well with...Iris.
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...You can talk to me about this. About...Iris, or about what I've done, or about what you've been going through. I do want to hear about it. Because you're...my friend, and because you're important to me.
I still don't think less of you for this, incidentally. I'm not certain why you thought I would.
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After his friend falls silent, however, he'll reach out and place his hand on top. The leather of his gloves feels...pleasing, and it suddenly hits him that this is the first time they've really made contact with one another since Lysandre arrived. His hand will promptly be squeezed, and Sycamore lifts his head, a small, tired smile on his face.
But he's smiling, at least.]
I'd still rather talk about Sanguis. Or, you know, anything other than what I just said.
[A soft laugh follows that comment (oh, he cracks himself up), but he's still not releasing that hand any time soon.]
But I'm...glad to hear you say that, even if I'm surprised you don't think I'm an idiot. I just can't believe we're owed another visit to the goats so soon.
[Really, it's been...what, a day? Maybe two? Ugh.]
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[Seriously, that sounds hideous.]
As I said, if you would prefer to discuss Sanguis, we can. Although I don't know what else I have to offer you other than what I've already told you. It's just...unpleasant, for now.
[...and also likely why he's being Like This, in hindsight, but eh.]
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I still maintain that it will be hideously awkward, but if you want to come over, I'll...allow it.
[He'll also shift his hand away from Lysandre's, should he be growing tired of his touch.]
I just want you to agree to leave if I'm being a complete and total embarrassment, Lysandre. I meant it when I said that Iris makes me really emotional and I'd prefer not to sob all over you.
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[JUST. JUST SAYING.]
If I had told you anything like that, you wouldn't have allowed it either.
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[He does, he promises. Even if the compulsion to change the subject to something lighthearted or funny is still overwhelming. Do we really have to talk about this...]
I've never been good with...
[-let him. wave his hands in the air as he tries to find the words-]
...this sort of thing. [#nailedit] I hate it. It's why Iris really gets under my skin and I don't like to talk about it, much less show it. I'm not saying I don't appreciate the offer, I do, I just...
[....will...groan again and bury his face in his hands, half because he hates this topic, and half because he knows that now you're definitely not going to let him drop it.]
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