...You can call me if it's difficult for you, though I don't know how much my presence will help with such a thing. I can see where it might, but I can also see where it may do the opposite.
[Like. He is kind of the cause of a lot of Emotions, apparently, so...]
[...The most Yashiro told him had to do with self-lubricating assholes, which is not at all the problem he is volunteering to help with. That sounds sort of like a you problem.]
Why do you get to act on your concern and completely ignore my repeated insistence that I don't want you to, while obviously knowing there's a valid reason that I wouldn't want you to, yet I can't ask anything to ascertain whether I should be concerned about you or not without you dodging the question? This isn't the first time, incidentally.
[Mimicking that sigh, Sycamore runs - or more accurately, drags - his hands through his hair, still refusing to look anywhere near Lysandre's eyes.]
I'm sorry, I just...I can't. I just can't. I promise it's nothing that you need to be concerned about, okay? I'm not in any danger, I just...I stay at home, I deal with it, and once the triple moon is over I forget about it.
I'm not letting you near me when I'm in the depths of Iris, Lysandre. I will do something I will regret, and then I will hate myself for it.
You can come into my apartment briefly, check I'm alright - which I will be - and then you have to leave. Those are the only terms I'm interested in entertaining.
Then it's fortunate that I'm not asking you to like it, I suppose.
We can discuss Sanguis if you'd prefer it for the time being. But I do want you to know that I'm going to continue to insist on this once we're done with that.
I am not one of your employees, Lysandre - just because you want me to do something, it doesn't mean I have to.
[There is an absolutely fantastic irony in the person under Sanguis remaining calm, while the Iris gets agitated, and were he not the Iris in question he would probably find it fascinating. As it stands, he's backing away.
Perhaps this visit was a mistake after all...]
Why can't you just respect my wishes and leave this topic alone? The answers aren't...bad, per say, they're just...they make me horribly uncomfortable and I promise you, they will make you even more uncomfortable. We don't gain anything by bringing this up.
And yet I get no say in the matter once you decide you want something, and my wishes on the subject can go ignored simply because you've decided you're coming over and you aren't leaving until I let you in.
You're more than welcome to get out, if that's how it's going to be. I've fulfilled my end of the agreement. Don't plan on returning after Sanguis has passed, as I've no interest in dealings that are that one-sided.
[Sycamore is frozen, momentarily, a shocked expression on his face; for an instant, the thought of fleeing is tempting, so very tempting, but he knows Lysandre well enough to be very aware he's a man of his word.
So. That crestfallen expression quickly gives way to frustration.]
Fine. Fine! If this is how you're going to be, I'll tell you. I'll tell you everything!
[He's pacing, now, fingers buried in his hair and not looking like they're coming out any time soon.]
You heard what I said earlier, correct? Iris magnifies any sort of affection you have for someone you care about. I was brought here just weeks after everything had happened with Team Flare, and while I was happy on the surface I just buried everything, all the misery and betrayal and confusion, all the questions I thought I'd never get answers to, and I know that isn't healthy but it worked for me! It was working perfectly, actually, until Iris came along and all of a sudden everything about you that I'd worked so hard to hide just came....surging up, and I couldn't stop it. I'd just sit in my apartment and think about you and all the good times we had, everything we shared, and it was this horrible...I don't know, rollercoaster of emotion because I care about you so much and you were gone and Iris makes you so....needy for someone you care about.
[That final sentence is punctuated with a groan, and Sycamore finally takes his hands out of his hair to place them on his face. He's still doing anything possible to look everywhere but at Lysandre.]
Do you know how exhausting it is? To feel that need, that overpowering, horrible desire to give out your affection, to be generous with it? I've heard Iris' complain about it when they're in committed relationships with others here, but when the person you always think about is completely unreachable it's...
[Right, his hands are completely covering his face, now.]
Look, I...I didn't want to tell you because I'm trying so hard not to make this about me, because I know I do that all the time and things are so much worse for you, without even bringing the moonblessings into it, and I want to do everything I can to make you happy and I...
[...you have a couch, no? He's going to find that couch and just...collapse onto it, head down and hands linked together, resting on the back of his neck.]
[He'll take all that in, not moving from where he's standing even after Sycamore has let himself sink down onto the couch; after a long moment, however, he'll move to join him, sitting next to him for a moment before reaching out and laying a hand on his shoulder lightly, almost as though he's expecting to be shrugged off.]
...You can talk to me about this. About...Iris, or about what I've done, or about what you've been going through. I do want to hear about it. Because you're...my friend, and because you're important to me.
I still don't think less of you for this, incidentally. I'm not certain why you thought I would.
[That whole tirade was hopelessly embarrassing and he is already trying to pretend it didn't happen, so Sycamore will be keeping his head down as Lysandre approaches, even as he feels him sitting on the couch and his hand coming to rest on his shoulder.
After his friend falls silent, however, he'll reach out and place his hand on top. The leather of his gloves feels...pleasing, and it suddenly hits him that this is the first time they've really made contact with one another since Lysandre arrived. His hand will promptly be squeezed, and Sycamore lifts his head, a small, tired smile on his face.
But he's smiling, at least.]
I'd still rather talk about Sanguis. Or, you know, anything other than what I just said.
[A soft laugh follows that comment (oh, he cracks himself up), but he's still not releasing that hand any time soon.]
But I'm...glad to hear you say that, even if I'm surprised you don't think I'm an idiot. I just can't believe we're owed another visit to the goats so soon.
[Really, it's been...what, a day? Maybe two? Ugh.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[Like. He is kind of the cause of a lot of Emotions, apparently, so...]
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HOW MUCH DID YASHIRO TELL YOU-]
Ah, well...it would be best if you didn't visit me during Iris. For multiple reasons.
[Unfortunately, after this stunt of his he's concerned you'll just...show up, so why don't you just...not do that. That would be great.]
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Those reasons being...?
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I'd prefer to keep them to myself. Sorry, mon ami.
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[Hmm. This doesn't bode well.]
I'm not sure what you mean.
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I see what you're saying, I just...I don't want to answer your question about Iris because the answer is humiliating.
[Eye contact? Who? Don't know it.]
Just...please, anything but that.
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Surely you know by now that there's nothing you could tell me that will make me think less of you.
If nothing else, I want that much made clear.
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[Mimicking that sigh, Sycamore runs - or more accurately, drags - his hands through his hair, still refusing to look anywhere near Lysandre's eyes.]
I'm sorry, I just...I can't. I just can't. I promise it's nothing that you need to be concerned about, okay? I'm not in any danger, I just...I stay at home, I deal with it, and once the triple moon is over I forget about it.
[You know, like all this forgetting right here!]
It's just Iris nonsense.
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You owe me that much, at least.
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no no no no that's fine, that cannot happen-]
I don't remember that being part of our agreement?
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I believe I should at least be offered something similar.
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Why are you so interested in this....? I thought we were supposed to be focusing on Sanguis.
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I'm not letting you near me when I'm in the depths of Iris, Lysandre. I will do something I will regret, and then I will hate myself for it.
You can come into my apartment briefly, check I'm alright - which I will be - and then you have to leave. Those are the only terms I'm interested in entertaining.
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Do you understand why I'm insisting?
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You wouldn't be insisting if I hadn't given you reason to be concerned.
[Oh how he's played himself.]
So yes, I understand. It doesn't mean I have to like it.
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We can discuss Sanguis if you'd prefer it for the time being. But I do want you to know that I'm going to continue to insist on this once we're done with that.
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[There is an absolutely fantastic irony in the person under Sanguis remaining calm, while the Iris gets agitated, and were he not the Iris in question he would probably find it fascinating. As it stands, he's backing away.
Perhaps this visit was a mistake after all...]
Why can't you just respect my wishes and leave this topic alone? The answers aren't...bad, per say, they're just...they make me horribly uncomfortable and I promise you, they will make you even more uncomfortable. We don't gain anything by bringing this up.
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You're more than welcome to get out, if that's how it's going to be. I've fulfilled my end of the agreement. Don't plan on returning after Sanguis has passed, as I've no interest in dealings that are that one-sided.
1/2
So. That crestfallen expression quickly gives way to frustration.]
Fine. Fine! If this is how you're going to be, I'll tell you. I'll tell you everything!
[He's pacing, now, fingers buried in his hair and not looking like they're coming out any time soon.]
You heard what I said earlier, correct? Iris magnifies any sort of affection you have for someone you care about. I was brought here just weeks after everything had happened with Team Flare, and while I was happy on the surface I just buried everything, all the misery and betrayal and confusion, all the questions I thought I'd never get answers to, and I know that isn't healthy but it worked for me! It was working perfectly, actually, until Iris came along and all of a sudden everything about you that I'd worked so hard to hide just came....surging up, and I couldn't stop it. I'd just sit in my apartment and think about you and all the good times we had, everything we shared, and it was this horrible...I don't know, rollercoaster of emotion because I care about you so much and you were gone and Iris makes you so....needy for someone you care about.
[That final sentence is punctuated with a groan, and Sycamore finally takes his hands out of his hair to place them on his face. He's still doing anything possible to look everywhere but at Lysandre.]
Do you know how exhausting it is? To feel that need, that overpowering, horrible desire to give out your affection, to be generous with it? I've heard Iris' complain about it when they're in committed relationships with others here, but when the person you always think about is completely unreachable it's...
[It's....]
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[Right, his hands are completely covering his face, now.]
Look, I...I didn't want to tell you because I'm trying so hard not to make this about me, because I know I do that all the time and things are so much worse for you, without even bringing the moonblessings into it, and I want to do everything I can to make you happy and I...
[...you have a couch, no? He's going to find that couch and just...collapse onto it, head down and hands linked together, resting on the back of his neck.]
...I am not coping well with...Iris.
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...You can talk to me about this. About...Iris, or about what I've done, or about what you've been going through. I do want to hear about it. Because you're...my friend, and because you're important to me.
I still don't think less of you for this, incidentally. I'm not certain why you thought I would.
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After his friend falls silent, however, he'll reach out and place his hand on top. The leather of his gloves feels...pleasing, and it suddenly hits him that this is the first time they've really made contact with one another since Lysandre arrived. His hand will promptly be squeezed, and Sycamore lifts his head, a small, tired smile on his face.
But he's smiling, at least.]
I'd still rather talk about Sanguis. Or, you know, anything other than what I just said.
[A soft laugh follows that comment (oh, he cracks himself up), but he's still not releasing that hand any time soon.]
But I'm...glad to hear you say that, even if I'm surprised you don't think I'm an idiot. I just can't believe we're owed another visit to the goats so soon.
[Really, it's been...what, a day? Maybe two? Ugh.]
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